I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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