foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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