One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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