Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
