my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
