hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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