a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
