PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
