Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
