i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
