there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
