how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
