if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
