This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
