So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
