so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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