If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
