the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
