you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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