Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
