I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
