It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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