I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
