the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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