I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
