That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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