glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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