So drunk its hurt
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
