you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
