I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
