Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
