vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
