go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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