He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
