My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
