Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
