I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
