I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
