Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
