Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
