I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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