At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
