Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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