I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
