Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
