Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
