wanna go halves on a baby?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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