I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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