If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
