Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
