i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
