WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
