Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
