We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
