I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
