Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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