I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
