I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
