peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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