well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
