did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
