butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
