i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ā¯¤ā¯¤ also dont tell anyone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
