I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
