Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
