Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
