I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
