Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
