he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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